It Isn't My Fault That You Suck At This

It's hard to believe that things can go downhill so fast, especially when everything started out so good. It's easy to get trapped in the initial haze, not able to see all the bad up ahead. I've constantly thought to myself why I ignored all the signs, the nagging red flags, and the advice given to me by so many people who know me well enough to know when I'm doing something stupid. All the arrows pointed to faults, but I ignored them because I had a little superman complex and wanted to help fix it.
But now let's see where that's left me. I can't eat sometimes because of how sick it makes me, I walk around through classes, back to home, back to classes, everywhere with a dark cloud over my head, not ready to go away until I can put it all past me. Of course you haven't called, of course you just won't let me know what's going on. It's cowardice, it's a power struggle and right now you're in Check.
But I've put up so much with you. Sure, I accuse you of lying and cheating, but I don't think I'm wrong about any of it either. You know I'm right, but to admit it to me and yourself would be too difficult. You aren't a man, you're a boy. A near 30 year old boy. I'm still young, I have so much to learn, when are you going to forgive me for my mistakes, especially when I admit and own up to them. Im always the first one to apologize, the first one to tell you that I'm sorry and I was wrong, and try to sort things out.
I've had it.